CARNAC: May a crazed Arab repairman board up your Q: Describe two people who like to cheat. A: "Here's Boomer." Ed McMahon would hand Carson a series of envelopes containing questions, said to have been hermetically sealed and kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnallsporch since noon today.. Carnac the Magnificent: [Opening envelope] What's the first thing you do when you hold up a liquor store? CARNAC: May the winds of the Sahara blow a desert scorpion A: The diamond lane. Clarnac: This crowd was applaud for a train wreck. A: Stick 'em up! (Joke only good for Central Mississippi folks). Share. Line: 478 May the bird of paridise fly up your noseMay an elephant caress you with its toesMay your wife be plaqued with runners in her hoseMay the bird of paridise fly up your nose, Ron Williams (not Tom Nadas, but an incredible simulation)--, UUCP: {decvax,linus,ihnp4,uw-beaver,allegra,utzoo}!utcsri!tomCSNET: tom@toronto, "Look over there, a dry ice factory. All the funny items on this website are fictitious. And even people who dont work at all need not starve, as food banks and charities abound, and governments provide welfare. Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_harry_book.php The cathedral was built in the 11th century and is renowned for its Byzantine architecture, including its stunning mosaics and frescoes. Q: What do you see if you hold your hernia up to a mirror? Q: Name the only two people who aren't sick of hearing May your children not forget you as they kneel to pray. Youre the straight man. [+6] - George - 11/14/2011 Answer: A goober, a cruller, and OmSigDavid. stops. Pat McCormickwrote some of the zaniest Carnac material. A: Henry R. Block. These jokes aren't mine, copyright on them is held by the In article <42@kestrel.ARPA> t@kestrel.ARPA writes: > Comedic or not, "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" is. The Question: Whats the difference between a dollar bill and LeBron James? The Answer: Under Willie Brown and through Joe Bidens colon. A: Lady-in-waiting. BILLINGSGATE POST: Johnny Carson was the very best. McMahon's closing announcement "I hold in my hand the last envelope" was always met with a loud cheer, prompting one final "curse". A: Hog jowls, chitlins, black-eyed peas, cornpone, hush A: KKK, IRS, UCLA. on a country? A: Over 15 billion served. Its hard to divine when you cant see. A: Pillbury cooking contest, a spasm of the diaphragm and A: That darn cat. (croud cheers) #10. Q: What do people always say when Howard Cosell is on? Tenor.com has been translated based on your browser's language setting. but you, in your divine and mystical way, will ascertain the answers to these Make your own images with our Meme Generator or Animated GIF Maker. . proctologist. Q: How did Marlon Perkins explain the rash on his thigh? May a camel with a weak kidney condition find your hope chest. A: Grape Nuts. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show. CARNAC: May a camel chip float in your martini. We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers. Q: Who was just arrested for impersonating a baseball team? Lot #220 ED McMAHON JOHNNY CARSON CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT HAT. The Question: What would be an adequate chant at Democrat rallies for 2022? Q: What do you call a military coup led by General Hand made. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically"divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Reviewed in the United States on April 2, 2015. Ron Toth, Jr., Proprietor 72 Charles Street Rochester, New Hampshire 03867-3413 Phone: 1-603-335-2062 Email: ron.toth@timepassagesnostalgia.com Prime Video. May you get your first French kiss from a diseased camel. A: Black feet. The resulting jokes often involved puns or wordplay; for example, "The La Brea Tar Pits" was the answer to "What do you have left after eating the La Brea Tar Peaches? compartment in your sister. ED: And now I hold in my hand the last envelope. Q: What's a drink made with dry sack and prune juice? A: Kitchy-kitchy-koo. Q: How do you say "Good morning" to your diddly A: A nine foot base with two feet of powder. Currently showing results page 1,636 of 2,021. CARNAC: May you fall asleep under a camel with post nasal Q: What are Ernest and Julio Gallo? Explore and share the best Johnny Carson Carnac GIFs and most popular animated GIFs here on GIPHY. A: R-O-L-A-I-D-S. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson.One of Carson's most well known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the east" who could psychically "divine" unseen answers to unknown questions. ED: I liked that but I seem to be the only one. Q: Name three movements. A: Shake and bake. A: 2001. ANSWER: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign promises. Q: What noise does Mr. McMahon's liver make? I unfortunately have not kept up with this particularfield, so can enlighten you no further.--, Craig Werner !philabs!aecom!werner "Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity. Carson . The comedy came from an unexpected question following a seemingly straightforward answer. sister's hooped skirt. A: Blazing Saddles. And I enjoyed every single minute of it.. Q: What do you call an outhouse built on quicksand? May your enemies get cramps in their legs as they dance on your grave. The best alternative is Screenkey, which is both free and Open Source.Other great apps like Carnac are Key'n'Stroke , KeyCastr, KeyPress OSD and Mousepos. May the bluebird of happiness twiddle your bits. The character was introduced in 1964. Carnac the Magnificent, a turbaned psychic, could answer questions before seeing them. Q: What's the smart thing to do if a Dallas Cowgirl touches Carson Emmy Awards, The 1975. . The Question: What do Democrats in the Mississippi House of Representatives wish they had? , The Question: What is the oath of office for all politicians? Today, that number is 1 in nearly 50,000 in many Western countries! The Answer: Confused, weak, feeble, and uncertain. QUESTION: Name a Kirk, a Turk and a jerk. your only sister. The Answer: A lawyer with his brief case. CARNAC: May a crazed sultan force you into mouth-to-mouth A: Touch and Go. Carnac: May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your underpants. Carson would place each envelope against his forehead and predict the answer, such as Gatorade. Mouse over chart for play descriptions. Q: Who won't be let out to see the picture? "Knickerbocker"Q. After Carnac said an answer, McMahon would frequently repeat it in a booming voice ostensibly as a help to the audience setting up a sneer, putdown, or some other comic reaction from Carson. A: Never on Sunday. , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop. [9], File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php Hoffa. Jackie Lynch 242 followers More information , The Question: Who is the longest surviving member of the Japanese Air Force? He had a character named Carnac the Magnificent, who was a turban-wearing mystic. Clarnac: May a diseased yak leave a gift on your new carpet. plunger. . She said, Why didnt you go around me?. A: "The Front." 42 results for "carnac hat" RESULTS. May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup. This crowd would applaud for a train wreck. Q: What's the major cause of divorce? Q: What comes after Timbuk-one? A: Mr. Coffee. Johnny would don an . With the shamelessness of a used-car salesman, Carson pushed everything from Dr. Pepper to hemorrhoid cream with a Shakespearian twist. Carnac the Magnificent. CARNAC: May an untouchable take a liking to your only A: "Sorry bub, no pub." RMMD: And so the "Buck and Truck Cursed Swinger Saga" begins. Q: Who do you go to when you have a pain in your hickory Mary Worth: "Let me do a Carnac the Magnificent here in P-2. I have been collecting some things that are kind of obsolete now. juice? One of those that I remember was "May a diseased yak marry your sister!" "May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup." Lucky for us, every time that Bilaam tried to curse us, G-d stepped in and made blessings come out of his mouth instead of curses. CARNAC: May a weird holy man use a Black and Decker tool on I'm Carnac had a trademark entrance in which he always turned the wrong direction when coming onstage and then tripped on the step up to Johnny Carson 's desk during his 30-year run on the Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (1962-1992). Shriver. Images tagged "johnny carson". Q: Describe Sister Mary Kong. , The Question: Who is the biggest conservative in the Republican Party? I hope it makes you laugh. Johnny Carson entertained audiences for 30 years as the host of The Tonight Show. From Carnac the Magnificent to his very close encounter with a python, heres our list of Carsons greatest moments. , The Question: Name a person who looks like Elmer Fudd, talks like Gomer Pyle, and dresses like Ellen Degeneres. Feel free to laugh, but beware! Q: What noise do sheep make when they laugh? Q: What is the total of Bo Derek and Phyllis Diller? As Allen acknowledged in his bookThe Question Man, this bit had been created in Kansas City in 1951 by Bob Arbogastand used onTheTom PostonShowin New York where it eventually ended up onThe Steve Allen Show, much to the surprise of both Bob and Steve. Oh, I forgot! Another ancient Biblical curse that seems to have reverted back to normal is Noahs curse of his son Ham that his descendants (who lived in Africa) shall be slaves to the descendants of Shem and Japheth (who lived in Europe and Asia) - see Genesis 9:25 as slavery in the modern area has been virtually abolished, and even racial discrimination has been greatly diminished thanks to the Civil Rights movement. ", and "9W" was the answer to "Mr. Wagner, do you spell your name with a V?" (Original post) Gladys Knight and the Pips. A: The Orient express. girlfriend. CARNAC: May your wife give mouth-to-mouth resusitation to The Question: What is the new slogan at Taco Bell? The Question: Clarnac hit a fat lady with my car. . car? 2004 upper deck baseball cards. (Jews never kneel in prayer.). Q: What do you say when you want to get your Gung to stop? Q: What would you find in Superman's bathroom? In fact, had Bilaam been successful in his attempt to curse us, the Jewish people would have been destroyed, G-d forbid. We have in the building tonight that great visitor from the East. The act involved a variation of the magician's billet reading trick: divining the answer to a question written on a card sealed inside one of the envelopes, announcing it to the audience, then tearing open the envelope to reveal the question. May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt. promises. A: Kirk Douglas, Terhan Bey and Earl Butz. Q: What do you look for when you're tracking a shoo-be-doo-be? Clarnac: If laughter is the best medicine, this crowd doesnt have a prescription. Our users have written 2 comments and reviews about Carnac, and it has gotten 25 likes. Q: What are two bad names for a laxative? Q: When should you plan on making a rest stop at a gas If you are of a certain age, you might yet remember Carnac the Magnificent, a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup. Q: What do you get from a bee that has an udder? Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Q: What do you call an agreement with Don Rickles? may your mother stop receiving her child support checks fromthe pittsburgh steelers front four. Here's how it played out on air. Ed: (Ed points to the nearest exit and hands Clarnac the first envelop and says) Envelop number 1. A: Disjoint. A: Old wive's tale. Dont break the concentration of the mystic from the East, or he will place a curse on you! Carnac the Magnificent was a comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Margaret's door? A: "Yes man." Q: What was Elizabeth Taylor between 3 and 5 pm on June 1, Longtime sidekick Ed McMahon ritualistically and bombastically introduced the Carnac routines. Q: Name a Fudd, a Mudd and a dud. A: Los Angeles Dodgers. . skirt. A: "Hi diddly dee." , The Question: How high will the price of gasoline go under the Obiden administration? ", "Barometer, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.". I note with amusement the "Fuck Your Feelings" crowd's epic hissy-fit stompy-foot meltdown over the fact that I referred to Trump's "Diaper Valet" in a tweet yesterday. | Replica prop, Johnny carson, Johnny Explore Men's Fashion Men's Accessories Men's Hats Uploaded to Pinterest Johnny Carson Johnny Carson Carnac the Magnificent replica prop hat. This is a very exciting evening for us at ______________________. , The Question: What would a lot of people like to do to Lady Gaga? QUESTION: What does the president of Nestea use when his "carnac the magnificent" Memes & GIFs. A: Fists of fury and five fingers of death. Q: What would you keep if you had to choose between sex and Return to Humor Page The Phantom of the Opera, The Lion King, and Donald Trumps mouth. sister's hope chest. be sending Georgia soon? The Question: What is Pete Buttigiegs favorite planet? May a crazy holy man set fire to your nose hair. The Answer: At least you can get four quarters out of a dollar. Q: What does President Carter say to Billy on Air Force Carnac the Magnificent answers "A 100 yard dash" on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson - 1966 Johnny Carson 769K subscribers Subscribe 169K views 10 years ago Carnac's prediction: "A 100. hair". Diary of a Mad Baseball Coach by Rick Clarke, (Original and slightly used comedy by Rick Clarke), I loved Johnny Carson and his character, Carnac the Magnificent. The Answer: NBC, ABC, CBS, MSNBC, CNN, PBS, FOX News and a Crowbar. , The Question: Name a good local divorce law firm. Q: What does Clark Kent wear to keep the sun out of his Wilbur, Orville, and Wright. Along the theme of reverting curses, there is a fascinating mesorah (tradition) handed down from the Vilna Gaon (1720-1797) that all the curses that mankind was cursed after Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden, will be reverted and changed back to normal at the end of time, except for the curse of the Serpent, who represents the evil force of Amalek, and whose curse shall remain in place until his utter and total destruction. Q: What should you answer to everything George Foreman (Crowd cheers) #10. A: Bible belt. juice? A: Fort Knox. After Carnac entered and stumbled, Ed would continue as follows: "I hold in my hand the envelopes. Ed McMahon was a huge part of the bit. Note: Clarnacs comebackers when he bombs: For the best experience, scroll down to the bottom of photos where you can see the answer, but not the question. A: "Oh God!" Get a random spoof news story. Q: When you do get from a near-sighted rabbi? Paul? "May your finger get stuck in your nose, and the nail continue to grow", (I have forgotten the origin of this one). Pretending to psychically concentrate, Carnac periodically asked for "complete silence" from the audience, and McMahon would retort that he often got it.[6]. Unable to come to an agreement over alimony, God intervenes to help Adam and Eve divvy up their marital belongings. A: Sex. His reign on NBC's Tonight show lasted just a few months short of . The character was introduced in 1964. , The Question: Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were in Congress. The book is {\it May You! May all your fine teeth get mad and bite off your nose.May you own a hotel with a thousand rooms and you be found dead in each one.May you have many daughters, who all marry [some sort you generically don't like]. A: "Follow the yellow brick road." . Good place to get some thinking done"-- Mr. Blore, the DJ who would not die {hplabs, seismo}!hao!udenva!showardor {boulder, cires, ucbvax!nbires, cisden}!udenva!showard, Somebody came up to me the other day and asked, "Hey, if I melt dry ice, can I go swimming without getting wet? I forgot aboutyour total recall. The Question: Name three famous puppets. Click image to enlarge. Q: What do you call Hershey's Prune Kisses? How about May an unclean yak sit on your dinner. Q: Name a Chinese diet doctor. A: The American condor, the American eagle and the American A: Kris Kristofferson Q: Describe Mrs. Stillman on a bus that doesn't make rest The Answer: Become a professional politician. A: Ironware. Q: Name two movies and a suppository. ANSWER: Nestea Plunge. Please see our terms and conditions and disclaimer. "Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes. Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/page/index.php A: High rollers. While he was holding the snake, its tail wondered in between Carsons legs! The audience was silent as Carson and Midler sang an a cappella version of the song Heres That Rainy Day. Its a sweet and sincere moment that youd be hard pressed to find in todays late-night lineup. A: 2001. by ThomasFay. He dubbed it the "Carnac Saver" and said in a 2009 interview, "I'll go to my grave having to apologize for having invented the Carnac Saver. share. ", -- -----------------------------------------------------------------------------Rudy Rumohr Jr. 3339 N. Charles St Apartment 1-ALUUCP: ihnp4!whuxcc!jhunix!ins_armr -or- Baltimore, MD 21218 seismo!umcp-cs!jhunix!ins_armr -or- allegra!hopkins!jhunix!ins_armrARPANET: ins_armr%jhunix@wiscvm.ARPA. [8], Since the 1980s, Howard Stern has paid tribute to Carnac the Magnificent, with his own skit called Sternac the Improbable. Get Image May you get your first French kiss from a diseased camel. [Ed Ames has thrown a tomahawk across the stage, hitting a painting of a cowboy straight in the "crotch". The Answer: Dr. Ben Casey, Dr. James Kildaire, Dr. Doogie Howser, Dr. Marcus Welby, Granny Moses (Beverly Hills) and Dr. Anthony Fauci. A: Eleven. Q: What is a mother of 27 children? A: England, France and Greece. As well, Eve was cursed that her husband should rule over her (see Genesis ibid), yet with the Womens Rights movement this has changed in a big way. I just got a new DVD, and I am really excited about it, but I miss my childhood a little bit I guess. The Temple was destroyed, and Israel was left with neither kings nor kingdom. As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed and kept in a #2 size mayonnaise jar on Dr. Faucis porch since noon today. Wheres the exit sign? The Question: How tall would Clarnac have to be for his current weight to be his ideal weight. A: A, B, C, D, E, F, G. A: Mop and Glow. share. Q: What do you call a drink made with un-cola and prune In 1987, Myrtle Young came on The Tonight Show to show off her rare collection of potato chips. Carson Caucas 1984. Here are a few of his curses: May a crazed weightlifter clean and jerk your sister. Q: What do you call getting slapped around by a German king? when is a felony traffic stop done; saskatchewan ghost towns near saskatoon; affitti brevi periodi napoli vomero; general motors intrinsic value; nah shon hyland house fire A: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign One was a bottle with a message in it that read, "Help! "Some sad news from Australia.the inventor of the boomerang grenadedied today. The Question: How did the dinosaurs become extinct? So we see that as we get closer and closer to the Messianic Era when the world will go back to a perfected state, curses are reverting all around us just as the Vilna Gaon predicted. (Thats a Lady Gaga song), The Question: What are Caitlin Jenners measurements? ANSWER: Dustin Hoffman. The Answer: Howdy Doody, Jerry Mahoney, and Joe Biden. 596 views, 2 upvotes, 1 comment. A: Fun with Dick and Jane. NO ONE! Discover and Share the best GIFs on Tenor. The Question Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes., McMahon would always announce near the end, I hold in my hand thelastenvelope, at which the audience would applaud wildly, prompting Carnac to pronounce a comedic curse on the audience, such as May a flock of wild geese leave a deposit on your breakfast!, May your sister elope with a camel!, May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister, or the most famous: May the bird of paradise fly up your nose!. Then, he would read the question: What does an alligator get on welfare? Some of the jokes were feeble, and McMahon used pauses after terrible puns and audience groans to make light of Carsons lack of comic success (Carnac must be used to quiet surroundings), prompting Carson to return an equal insult. , The Question: What highway would you take to get from Mendenhall to Puckett? I just got a new DVD, and I am really excited about it, but I miss my childhood a little bit I guess. A: Ninety-nine and nine-tenths. Q: What price will gas be if it's under a dollar? Function: _error_handler, Message: Invalid argument supplied for foreach(), File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php May you fall into an outhouse just as a band of Ukranians has finished a prune stew and twelve barrels of beer. Q: What does Zsa Zsa Gabor call the center of a church? [1] Carnac the Magnificent: Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson.One of Carson's most well-known . Click here to be a writer! Contents CARNAC: May you be forced to visit a near-sighted Q: What do you use to fry a peter? A: "The Dumplings." A: Supercalifragilisticexpialodocious and detente. "May a misguided platypus lay its eggs in your jockey shorts", or "May a confused weightlifter clean and jerk your sister", or "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits". Q: Name a leak, a Greek and a freak. A: "Leave it to Beaver." Get Image May a crazy holy man set fire to your nose hair. A: Around the world in 80 days. . Price starting at $87.97 for basic 5,000 sq. 4.0 out of 5 stars Great for Carnac The Magnificent. [1] 36 relations: Billboard (magazine), Billet reading, Bob Arbogast, CNN, Columbia University Press, CRC Press, Curse, Divination, Ed McMahon, Ernie Kovacs, . Q: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch? . Although Bilaams curses were many, all of the other curses - save the one for Houses of Prayer and Study - eventually came to pass. May a carsick camel moisten your Egg McMuffin. "Carnak: Do-whacka-doEd: Do-whacka-doCarnack: What do you look for when you're hunting do-whackas?Carnak: Dippity-doEd: Dippity-doCarnak: What collects on your dippity in the morning?A. work? Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. grandfather. CARNAC: May a swarm of gay chiggers open a disco on your [3][4] As a more serious device, the concept had served as the basis for several game shows including the CBS Television Quiz, That's the Question and the still-running Jeopardy!, which aired on NBC for much of Carson's run on Tonight. Kentucky: The state that is being dragged, kicking and screaming, into the 20th century. violence? Falling in Love Again (1980) with Susannah York, The Hollywood Knights (1980 . May your Perrier water be secretly bottled in Tijuana. Q: On a cold morning what forms on your david? On one occasion frequently rebroadcast on anniversary shows, Carson's desk was replaced with a lightweight balsa-wood version; this allowed Carson to trip and smash through it. Q: What's a rude thing to say when you're dropping a bomb Q: What do you call dressing up as a tree? A: "I never promised you a rose garden." A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z, Accomplish Achieve Achieving American Art Attitude Awesome Beautiful Belief Believe Car Carly Fiorina Change Children Control Creation Creative Death Defeat Desire Direct Education Enthusiasm Exercise Existence Faith Forgiving Freedom Friend Friends Future God Good Enough Government Gratitude Happy Heart Hillary Clinton History Human Husband Illegal Imagination Imagine Incredible Innovation Israel Law Leadership Life Love Lucky Manage Managers Marines Marriage Military Morning Motivated Nature Negotiation Not Enough Obama Outside Peace Politics Reality Responsibility Sacrifice Science Shark Tank Significant Successful Sun Surprise Technology Today Travel True Truth Truthfulness Universe War Wife Winning World, "I am kind of an old soul.