Oh, youre a troop who survived pepper spray AND mustard gas? Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. Did you hear about the big accident on base? One day you will walk out to your aircraft NOT KNOWING that it is your last flight. 'Never fly in the same cockpit. Speed is life. Reply: This is a lighthouse your call.. Long Haul How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base, in Germany, with my eight siblings and me, all under age 11. 17. Navy Pilot: Were flying faster than the speed of sound! How old are you? a tenant asked. ", Warren replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Joy fell out, but you know, fifty quid is fifty quid". During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. Pizza de Resistance Building the Army is a part of the government's tasks, and the military is made to protect citizens during war-time. What do you call a second lieutenant surrounded by PFCs? Thank you, sir. the Soldier responds. These one-liner jokes about the Coast Guard life are bound to make any Coastie crack up. He snapped off a Halt! shouted our drill instructor. 1. P | Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. He wanted to move out of the barracks as soon as possible. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. Then the sergeant announced that everyone would get a three-day pass except me. Soldier: Sure, buddy. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made. Cabin Attendant Two-legged mobile device for extracting cash from a captive audience, 56. It took the poor guy all day. How many pilots does it take to screw in a light bulb? Put your hand up if youre the laziest., 24 men raised their hands, so the senior chief turns to the last man and says, Why didnt you raise your hand, sailor?, The sailor replies, It was too much trouble, senior chief.. Now he likes peanuts.. Co-Pilot: What?!. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: It was carefully encased in a Tupperware container and came with this note: Dick, when youre finished, can you mail back my container?. The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?, Without hesitating the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth! Marines Say OOOOORAH! When the Marine finishes up, he starts to head for the door. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? I never knew you had such a weak stomach, I said. And )second Why, certainly, young man, he said, as he reached under his desk and handed me a large pair of bolt cutters. Top Flight Deck / Cockpit Jokes and Memes Collection. My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. This site contains affiliate links. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. 6, 2 to cheer, 2 to fire the weapon and 2 to take pictures! Sidling right up to the student, the speaker shouted in his ear, What would you do for a patient in the event of a nuclear war? Kassidy Barber is the Assistant Editor for VeteranLife.com and MyBaseGuide.com. Dario Leone is an aviation, defense and military writer. Baltimore, said Dad. The controller while working a busy shift told a 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). Officer: Thats no way to address an officer! Caller: Sgt. This happened several times times throughout the flight. The danger of incident is no jokein 1985, a Japanese 747 airliner lost its tail midflight and plummeted into a mountain, killing 520 in the deadliest aircraft accident involving just one plane . Why was the sergeant made when his son brought home an A in math? 7. Our puns and jokes are here for the soldiers as well as everyone else to enjoy. One day, the rain was pouring like crazy and a big puddle formed in front of a local pub just outside the Navy base. A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. They sure grow up fast, dont they?. Fighter Training Manual Airspeed, Altitude, and Brains Two are always needed to successfully complete a flight, 7. It helps to keep the pilot cool. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. Navy and CG Say HOOOOOYAH! Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. Why Do We Celebrate It? In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. Overheard on a flight into Regina, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight to control it. 9. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. I enjoyed the humor section quite a bit. What did you do? 5) The Franco-Prussian War ended in a stalemate and had to be settled by a winner-take-all game of backgammon played by the two countries prime ministers. But other times, we also want some good clean humor with no chance of ruffling feathers. Caller: Is Sgt. 3) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of military specs. 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition), How to Unregister a Gun in your Name? The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. A joke told repeatedly at aviation industry conferences puts a man and a dog in an airplane. MARCH! What do hungry Marines eat? Even his son turned up. ", The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. Why? I asked. OHH OHOH! Now, they are wanted for dessertion. Reproduction of any part of this website without direct permission is prohibited. Everyone seemed OK with this order except for one confused recruit. Discussion Board on this Military Joke. Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. A friend paid my mother a visit. Now, lets try it again! 100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off Unless you're a pilot, an aeronautical engineer, a hang-around traveler, or simply someone who enjoys aviation, airplane jokes are surely right up your alley. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. Then came Dads ships turn. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. 50. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. Chicago. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. He is the Founder and . We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. Minimum Connecting Time Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates, 61. If you want it any closer than that, youll have to bite em off from the inside.. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . Did it work? 10. Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike? Germany, like other NATO members, is protected by . You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him umpteen times, Stop telling people Im in the Army! It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form for kindergarten, under fathers profession, the teacher wrote, He doesnt know what his father does, but hes not in the Army.. Hazing the new guy, he said with a grin. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a My granddaughter's husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his personnel addressed to Dear Sirs and Maams. It was received as Dear Sirs and Mamas. Phyllis Howard. Do not attempt to shave with fire. Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. But yours is.. Unless you can be Batman. Dad got quiet. Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officers dress blue uniform. What do you call a Marine that has an IQ of 160? Keep up with Katee on Instagram and linkedin.com. Decodes 7. 49. 1. Now, I was shy of six feet tall, but when our drill sergeant called for all six-footers to line up, I stepped forward anyway. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. He told them "you must find your own way to this beach head for 0600 tomorrow morning, there you will be tested like never before". 28. The U.S. Navy uses the stars to navigate. They want their patients to see 20:20! Do you have change for a dollar? ", The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with "I made it out of DC-8 parts. You can always leave the joke in a funny mug, or a pilot mug if the person is into aviation. Sure, its hilarious to poke fun at rival branches sometimes. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing! While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. The Lasting Supper 3. One night, he returned to the dorm in his perfectly pressed uniform, his newly acquired name tag in his hand. Hey, Im from Chicago too!. [Answered]. The two lads objected strongly. These jokes are perfect for anyone in the military to laugh at. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. 27. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around the drone but not hitting it. Caller: OK. When finally open guaranteed to spill everywhere, 60. Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. What happened when a soldier went into an enemy bar? My friend has a really toxic relationship with Navy vessels. Airman: "The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside!" Soldier: "No way, you guys had air conditioners? Ocean Pearl, I answered. Picking up some unidentifiable gear, I said, I didnt get one of these! Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!, 21. A LOOtenant! Sometimes I think war is Gods way of teaching us geography. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. We are directly under the moon.. Why does the military have a strict dress code for ceremonies and events? 11. The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire, 47. Read more. Air Force Says OKEY DOKEY?. I would stay behind and neatly print each soldiers name onto his Army-issued underwear. 'There are bold pilots, and old pilots, but very few old bold pilots.' - 1930s Army Air Corps Sign. For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building. They bagged six. No one knows their way around sarcasm more than our U.S. troops. I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. Six Triple Eight Film by Tyler Perry Is Coming to Netflix, Havana Syndrome Still a Mystery, but Foreign Involvement Unlikely, After a Storied Career, Paris Davis Is Finally Receiving His Medal of Honor, Here are 200 Remote Jobs for Veterans in 2023. March forth! When I spotted a Navy captain on the street, I saluted and bellowed, LST 395, which was the designation and number of the ship I served on during World War II. The dog is there to bite the pilot if the man so much . Did you make it all by yourself? St. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have, 16. Spread the humor by leaving a secret written joke on a neighbor's stoop, a colleague's desk, or mail it to your best friend. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. After a very heavy landing in Halifax, the Flight Attendant announced; Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. Large mahogany desk.. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Where are you from? St. You divertyour course! . Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Waxing his plane A pilot got up bright and early, and told his wife he was going to wash and wax his plane. You might be in the Coast Guard if your idea of aromatherapy is Simple Green and JP5. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the base operator asked him. The Air Force will take out a five-year lease with an option to buy at the end. Attention! Where are you from? As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. The guy put down the paper, turned to my friend, and said, Well, there goes the light bulb.. When they come home, they get to leave their inlaws thousands of miles away. Scan the list below to find some hilarious military one-liners that will make your Navy friend laugh like crazy. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the A friend paid my mother a visit. I instantly knew I was in the right outfit when I looked around. The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! Return to Humor Index. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. You might be a Coastie if a cruise does not sound like a vacation to you. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I asked. Nothing, she said. (Hang up. 44. Read more. Rodrigues there? Pre-flight briefing from Canadian Air Force Pilot If you hear me yell Eject, Eject, Eject, the last two will be echoes. 13. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. I just put them all together for your amusement. The Marine said Are you crazy? Eternal Piece Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind. Why doesnt the Army football team have a website? They know how to take up space. Later, I spoke with Mom. He needed COVER! The Army will post guards around the building. A Flight Attendant's comment after a less than perfect landing; We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal, 17. Its not weak, he replied. A LOOtenant! Marine: Wait, stop. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. A military captain saying I was just thinking (Hang up. Get up! Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, What is the first rule?, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, Shut up, Drill Sergeant!, Army Says: HOOOOOAH! Two thousand dollars a week, he replied. 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first shot.